Today a giant blue wheeled cart beckoned me with Walmart Clearance bargains. Unless the cart has just come out, the chances of finding treasures are slim. By now pizza flavored lip-gloss and such are all that is left. Still I looked. A little spray bottle caught my eye. “Spray Applesauce-For People on the Go!” I giggled out loud! Who thought this brain child up? How does it not clog up? Does one say while running a marathon, ‘man, hit me with some applesauce’? The person with the golden delicious vision had to have others agree and say “hey, we have a winner!” in order to get it packaged, marketed and on the shelf. If you don’t have time to put a spoon in your mouth and swallow, you may just be a little too busy in my book. As usual my mind could not let something like this lie dormant.
It also led me to remember some of my classic ‘seemed like a good idea’ times.
In first grade I stepped on the rustiest nail I could find on my grandparents’ farm. I purposely stepped on it, because a couple of gals in my class had accidentally stepped on nails or glass that week. I quickly learned this great plan to fit in was much more painful than I had envisioned. The blood gushing turned my mom and Grandma Moore into panicked crazy women as they knew lock-jaw was going to set in any moment. I was hauled in a 75+ mile radius to Ashland, Coldwater and Greensburg hospitals due to a tetanus serum shortage. What was I thinking?
Stealing a 39 cent bottle of Oyster Pearl fingernail polish from Mr. Jones Drug Store in about 3rd grade was my one major heist. It was so shimmery and shiny that the temptation was too much. No one ever knew but me. Once in a while I would get brave and wear it, but it bugged me the whole time. Since God has a sense of humor, he arranged for Mom to work for Mr. Jones for several years when I was in Jr. High. Still that was not enough to break me even if the guilt plagued me everyday afterschool. I would check in with Mom and Mr. Jones always made it a point to visit with me. Did I mention that guilt was partnered with a check that was enclosed in my graduation card from the Jones? (Let the record show that God reminded me a few years ago and I made it right with Mrs. Jones.)
A few years ago my mom about scobbed my knob when I confessed that in sixth grade I lied on my eye test because I knew I would look great in glasses. What we lengths we go for beauty! Right now I have 4 pairs of readers scattered to Timbuktu and back that I never can find. Most of the time they are on my head or clipped on my shirt. Little did I know that I would eventually I ooze beauty as I rock the ‘grandma’ glasses.
I thought I was pretty smart when I learned to play divorced parents against each other. Manipulation was my game. Oh, the power was intoxicating during a situation in which I had no control. They were dancing my dance. Revenge was sweet. That is until at any given time they would form a peace treaty and swap stories. Big trouble for Kelly!
With my Farrah hair blowing in the wind, I attempted to impress the jr. high love of my life, whose identity I now have forgotten. My Charlie’s Angels skateboard skills landed me with bruised pride and a fractured tail bone on the sidewalk in front of the bank building to quite an audience. Since I am hard-headed, my other attempt to impress a guy (my dad) consisted of climbing on the back for a steer at an all girls rodeo. Ironically, that ended with my tail bone fractured again. Beside these lessons literally kicking my rear, I learned the one guy didn’t matter and the other I was already in his heart.
Rawlings, WY will always hold a special place in my memory. My dad had warned me plenty of times, but I didn’t want to go put my hot boots on to unload the horses from the horse trailer. My snazzy Dr. Scholl’s and I would be careful, geez. My beloved Vernal Sox not only stepped on my Oyster Pearl painted toes, but twisted. I lost a couple of toenails, but gained a limp for the entire National High School Rodeo Finals in Yakima, WA, where the rule was we all had to wear boots the entire time or get sent home. Rebelling and laziness made their point on that trip.
A pact was formed in Sophomore Biology to cheat on our 9 weeks test. Someone had the test key and distributed copies freely. Long story short-we all got caught, except Mike Sanders who was lucky enough to get a hanger run in his eye the hour before in PE. The principal and the parents were not proud. We flunked that 9 weeks-except for Mr. A+ Mike. The kicker was I always like a back up plan, so I had studied and knew it by heart. Cheaters never prosper, but they do have to scramble to make the semester grade average come out to a C at best.
My last one was always breaking curfew because ‘well, my car wouldn’t start’. This perfect story I had no doubt I could get away with. My discerning and smarter-than-me parents picked up that my car only acted up on Saturday nights. For Christmas instead of the chic knee boots I was slobbering over, I received jumper cables and no more excuses. Busted!
We could go on and on, couldn’t we? While these are pretty harmless and silly, the tales get more sordid and serious. So do the consequences. “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11. Thank goodness for that discipline. If we are left to our own devices, we would continue and create gargantuan messes, let alone continue to break God’s heart. Instead he catches us and gives us righteousness and peace, if we take heed.
Still something will fly in from left field and catch us in a parking lot drinking blackberry moonshine from a guy named Bronc that we have never seen in our lives. (I plead the fifth on the time frame of this incident. I am still recovering from mortification.)
I am so thankful for the God of second chances who molds and shapes us through discipline, divine guidance, and love. My new favorite verse is “Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take my refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in you.” Psalm 25: 20-21. Ahhhh… hope in him. Always the best idea at anytime.